The London Daily Telegraph reported that Burger King is out with a barbecue-enhanced cologne for men described as "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

And in a related story, Sports Interactive, makers of the Football Manager video game, has come out with "Scent of Success," a fragrance that smells like a locker room. Though marketers wonder why they didn't call it "Brute."

NFL PULLS OFF SNEAK

So how much for a cover-2?

"The NFL and the players' union proudly announced they will pay a whopping $100 a month for Medicare costs of players age 65 and over," noted Tony Augusty of the Detroit News. "It seems like a nice gesture - until you learn the average life expectancy of an NFL player tops out at around 59.

"Talk about disguising the coverage."

24-STRIKE SALUTE

Brothers Ed and Tom Shircel, competing for their Al & Al's Brotherhood League team at Lakeshore Lanes in Sheboygan, Wis., on Monday night, pulled off a rare bowling double in Game 1: side-by-side perfect games.

Or as it's better known in kegling circles, playing 600 ball.

JUST KIDDING

Guy Ritchie will get up to $92 million to settle his divorce from Madonna, her spokeswoman said.

Though the judge shot down his plea for joint custody of A-Rod.

Football 101

Q: What basic pass-catching rule did Giants receiver Plaxico Burress violate when he shot himself in the leg?

A: He didn't account for the safety.

THE JOHN REPORT

John Madden, for one, is sad to see the last of Texas Stadium.

"The (broadcast) booth was the best in the business," he told the Dallas Morning News. "I didn't know a lot about all the booths in the NFL, but I found out quickly that was the best because it was not only the biggest, but it was the only one that had a bathroom in it, and if you don't think that's big, that is big."

GOING FOR THE COLD

Coincidence? Last Friday - one day after New Orleans experienced its first snowfall in four years - the eighth-race winner at the Fair Grounds Race Course there was a 98-1 longshot named Artic Jet.

GRAB A NO. 2 PENCIL

Sample question from this week's sports quiz, from Chris Ferrell of the San Antonio Express-News:

"The Dallas Cowboys have offered evidence during the past few weeks that:

"a) They have a very dysfunctional locker room.

"b) The team seems as likely to win the Super Bowl as miss the playoffs altogether.

"c) Wade Phillips is going to be a heck of a defensive coordinator for some team next season."

IN THE YEAR 2525

Future headline: "Penn State, Joe Paterno's mummified remains agree to three-year contract extension."

EXHIBIT A-MINUS

Al Unser Jr. paid an undisclosed sum to an extortionist who threatened to release a "compromising" videotape of the two-time Indy 500 winner, AP reported.

Though New Mexico prosecutor Mark Drebing picked an inopportune time to invoke Unser's nickname when he said, "I don't think Little Al did anything wrong."

SHOULD'VE WAFFLED

A man is suing Anthony Davis, Courthouse News reported, claiming the Rams tackle and two cohorts harassed him and beat him up in the parking lot of a Florida IHOP.

Davis backers say he was merely perfecting his pancake block.

HEADLINES

n At BorowitzReport.com: "Yankees sign Iraqi hurler / Shoe-throwing right-hander impresses scouts."

n At TheOnion.com: "Report: Everyone watching Football game evidently needs new car, shower, shave."

n At SportsPickle.com: "Terrell Owens asks Tony Romo to give opponents less touches."

WRITERS' BLOC

n Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on the prospects of below-freezing temperatures when the Blackhawks and Red Wings play an outdoor game at Wrigley Field: "Even Ernie Banks would say, `Let's just play one!'"

n Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after an Oxford scientist says he found a prehistoric spider web: "It was growing in an Oakland Raiders end zone."

n Hall of Fame QB Sammy Baugh, who died Wednesday at age 94, on the estimated $300,000 he made in the NFL from 1937 to 1952: "Half went to taxes. The other half went to Texas."

n Mark Kriegel of FoxSports.com, on the economic ramifications of Arena Football closing up shop for next season: "It's so bad there's word that Philadelphia Soul owner Jon Bon Jovi might even go back on tour."

n Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Terrell Owens and Plaxico Burress sharing the same agent, Drew Rosenhaus: "If an alien from planet Uzurq6 came to Earth packing a death ray, you know who his agent would be."

n Dan Daly of the Washington Times, after the Yankees signed CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett to the tune of $243 million: "You know, maybe the carmakers should have gone to Hank Steinbrenner for a bailout."

n Fox studio host Jimmy Johnson, on the winless Lions showing some pluck against the Colts: "A jackass pulls hard. That doesn't make it a Thoroughbred."

DIG THIS

Archeologists unearthing a 400-year-old tomb in China were baffled, the People's Daily reported, when they found a tiny Swiss watch in it.

Well, that and a Jamie Moyer rookie card.

BLACK-AND-SILVER LINING

The bad news is that the Raiders, with Sunday's 49-26 loss to the Patriots, have lost at least 11 games for the sixth season in a row.

On the bright side, though, next year's team will be sponsored by 7-Eleven.

TROPHY CASING

"They always invite guys who already have a Heisman to the ceremony," noted Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. "Those tentatively expected to be in attendance this year included Archie Griffin, Carson Palmer, Jason White and Fred Goldman."

TOO MANY TURNOVERS

Did you notice that, in just two months, the unemployment rate has reached 20 percent?

But enough about NBA coaches.

(c) 2008, The Seattle Times. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.